you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He passed out mid-signature
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
