If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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