Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
