theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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