Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
