If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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