i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
