I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
