I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
