So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
