he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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