Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
