and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
