my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
