They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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