he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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