i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
