i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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