My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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