before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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