I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
