shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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