so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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