I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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