I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
