What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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