Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
