If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
