dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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