That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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