I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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