funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
