i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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