God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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