not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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