He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
