Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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