Where is the hickey?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
