I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize