I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
