remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
this hospital has no fireball
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
