you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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