I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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