Quick, to the slutcave!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
