hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
