would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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