I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
