sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize