Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
