Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
