shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
