I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
