I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
