I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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