It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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