pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
