I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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