please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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