How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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