my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
