They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
