just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
