Got a toothbrush?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
