i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
