Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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