Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
