I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
