Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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