My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
