I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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