Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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