There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
These tits shall not be calmed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
