He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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