I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pants are for mortals
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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