He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
