and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
