I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.