so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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