Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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