He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
