our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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