I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
